What is a Jewish wedding? What does it symbolise? How do all the parts work and how do they all come together ?  What happens during the ceremony ?  What happens afterwards? And what does it all mean ?  

Whilst no wedding is identical (including our own) what follows is a typical Jewish Wedding day:

The Wedding Ceremony

Before the Wedding , On the Day of the Wedding , The Kettubah (Jewish Marriage Contract), The Bedekan (Veiling Ceremony), Beginning of the Ceremony , The Chuppah (Canopy), The Ring , The Yichud , The Conclusion of the Wedding Ceremony
 

The Wedding Reception (after the traditional ceremony)

S'eudah Mitzvah , Food , The Conclusion of the Celebration , Dancing

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The Wedding Ceremony

Judaism considers marriage to be the ideal state of existence; a man without a wife, or a woman without a husband, are considered incomplete  and therefore a wedding and marriage is what unites them as a whole entity.

Before the Wedding

Before the wedding the bridegroom is honoured by being called to read from the Torah (called an Aliyah) in the synagogue on the Sabbath before the wedding. This ceremony is called an Aufruf. In some synagogues, the women of the congregation throw candy and nuts at the bridegroom as he completes his recitation of the benedictions to wish the couple a sweet and fertile life.

On the Day of the Wedding

On the day of the wedding the chosson (groom) and kallah (bride) are encouraged to fast until the ceremony and repent their sins, and they are guaranteed that if they do so, all their sins are forgiven. Thus, they start out their new life together with a clean slate. A chosson and kallah are considered royalty, and Jewish Law demands they be treated with the respect due royalty. Take a good look at the chosson and kallah. This is the opportunity to look at the faces of truly righteous people, since on the day of their wedding they are forgiven all their sins.

Brides usually visit the mikvah (ritual bath) the morning of their wedding day (or as close to that day as possible) as an act of purification.
When guests arrive at the ceremony, male guests go into a room with the bridegroom while the female guests go into a room where the bride is sitting on a throne-type chair. This traditional "public beckoning" is common and actually may be "private," with just family and wedding party in attendance.

The Ketubah (Jewish Marriage Contract or Deed)

The Ketubah lists the bridegroom’s responsibilities for and to the bride throughout their marriage.

The traditional Ketubah is written in Aramaic and may have a certain design commissioned by artists or scribesdepending on the belief and traditions of the couple. The bridegroom agrees to these obligations by making a legal acquisition of the Ketubah responsibilities, and two witnesses who are not related to the couple sign that they have observed the groom’s accepting and assuming these obligations. Without this Ketubah, a man is forbidden to live with his wife. The Ketubah then becomes the property of the bride after the wedding.

Since the early 1970s, the Ketuba has included a parallel declaration of commitment made by the bride and groom, followed by a joint affirmation of the couples connection to God, Torah, mitzvoth, and to the Jewish people.

The Bedeken (Veiling Ceremony)

The Rabbi and the fathers of the bride and groom lead a procession of the bridegroom and male guests into the bride's chamber for the bedeken (veiling) ceremony. The bridal veil is a custom as old as all other Jewish customs.  It comes from the biblical story of Jacob, who worked for seven years to marry Rachel, only to discover her father had substituted the older, blind Leah, under heavy veiling. (Genesis Chapter 29).
We also find that even the Matriarchs wore veils at their weddings, as we see in Genesis 24:65.  And she (Rebecca) said to the servant, "Who is that man in the field, walking toward us?" And the servant said, "He is my master (Isaac)," and she took the veil and covered herself.
Bridegrooms still come to look at their bride before the ceremony and actually place the face veil over her.

Beginning of the Ceremony

One the bride is veiled, the ceremony is ready to begin. Grandparents are seated first, the bride's to the right of the center aisle and the bridegroom's to the left.

The actual procession order for the Rabbi and cantor is determined by local custom. In most case, if the Rabbi is planning to come down the aisle, which often happens when the ceremony is not in a temple or synagogue, he will be next.

The Chuppah (Canopy)

Ceremonies always take place under a chuppah (canopy). The groomsmen will follow, one at a time, usually standing to the left of the chuppah.

The chuppah is supported by four poles in stanchions, but could be held by four men during the ceremony, as frequently done in Sepharic tradition.  It symbolically establishes a house in public to represent that their lives will be spent together. Sometimes, a large talis (prayer shawl) is put on the poles and held above the couple to create the chuppah.

The best man comes down the aisle alone and goes under the chuppah on the left. The bridegroom, escorted by his parents, goes under the chuppah to the left of the best man.  The bridesmaids follow, single file, and stand to the right of the chuppah.  The maid or matron of honor comes alone, and stands under the chuppah on the right side.  She is followed by the flower girl and ring bearer, if any.

The bride comes down the aisle next, escorted by her parents.  They stop just before the chuppah and the parents may lift her veil and give her a kiss.  They then replace the veil and walk up under the chuppah on the right side. When her parents are in their places, the bride takes three steps on her own, symbolizing her decision to enter the marriage, and the bridegroom comes to escort her under the chuppah.  The bridegroom turns as he joins her, so she is on his right.

Brides often circle their bridegrooms three or seven times when they come under the chuppah, from the verse "A woman shall go around a man." (Jeremiah 31:22).

During the ceremony, in Hebrew and English, the Rabbi reads the Ketubah and the couple drinks wine.

The Ring

In ancient times, "something of value" often was a coin, but today it usually is a ring.  The ring must be of solid gold, with no stones or gems, and it must, at the ceremony, be the bridegroom's property.  Only one ring is required by Jewish law but many Rabbis allow a double-ring ceremony.. This ring represents the wholeness achieved through marriage and a hope for an unbroken union.  In marriage, the woman accepts a ring  accepting the terms of the marriage. This is called betrothal, or kiddushin or erusin. 

During the ceremony, the ring will be placed on the bride's right index finger, up to the second knuckle.  This finger is chosen because it is said to go directly to the soul, and because it is used as the "pointer" when reading the Torah. In most ceremonies, the bridegroom repeats a Hebrew vow after the Rabbi, with the giving of the ring.  The bridegroom would declare, "Behold, thou art consecrated to me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel".  Traditionally there is no verbal response on the part of the bride.  She accepts the ring on her finger, and closes her hand, signifying acceptance.  The bride will usually put the ring on the left ring finger after the ceremony.  When the bride gives a ring to the bridegroom during the ceremony, she will put it directly on his left ring finger.


At the conclusion of the ceremony, the Rabbi will ask the best man to place a wine glass, wrapped in a white cloth or in a special bag the couple provides, under the bridegroom's right foot. There are nearly as many interpretations of the meaning of the breaking of the glass as there are Rabbis. The bridegroom will break it, symbolising: the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem, man's short life on earth; that even in the midst of the happy occasion we should not forget that sorrow and death are also ahead. (Sometimes in place of a glass a light bulb wrapped in a cloth or napkin is used.)


After the glass is broken, the guests shout "Mazel Tov," clap their hands, embrace and sing as the couple departs. (The shattered glass may then be kept as a keepsake in a velvet pouch.) The bride and bridegroom will kiss immediately after being declared "man and wife" and then run up the aisle into a Yichud.

The Yichud

The Yichud is a brief seclusion where the couple can spend a few moments together before joining their guests. When the couple has fasted until the ceremony, this is their opportunity to break the fast with a quick snack. Even couples who have not fasted appreciate the few moments alone in what is usually a hectic and emotionally packed day.

The Conclusion of the Wedding Ceremony

Because of this brief seclusion, Jewish weddings usually do not have receiving lines. After the Yichud, the bridal couple is introduced as husband and wife. They may be greeted with a toast or a shower of rice.

To assist all guests occasionally a wedding booklet or program is given to the guests. The booklet may include a copy of the wedding invitation, a copy of the Ketubah text, names of all the wedding vendors, a note from the couple, and an explanation of the different aspects of the ceremony.  At other times the Rabbi usually gives a detailed but brief summary of the whole ceremony.


A Sample Service (lasting between 40mins-1hr)

Rabbi opening
Bride is escorted to the canopy
The Bride circles the groom seven or three times, as the custom may be
The wedding address
Benedictions
Sharing of the cup of wine
The Ring Service
The Ketubah is read
Second cup of wine is offered
Bride and groom share the wine
Breaking of the glass

The Wedding Reception (after the traditional ceremony)

S'eudah Mitzvah

The meal is begun with a blessing over a wedding challah (a large braided loaf of egg-rich bread). This blessing may be led by the bride and groom.

The wedding celebration is lively Israeli folk music creating involvement of people rather than couples. Music need not only be Jewish music, whatever it takes to encourage the crowd to celebrate.  This usually takes upto 15-30 minutes dependent on the wedding party.

The "Hora," or traditional dance of celebration is done. The dance most widely known is when the bride and groom are lifted in chairs on the shoulders of their guests. There is no planned time for this to happen, just "when the spirit hits". Sometimes the couple will be whirled around each other, holding the ends of a handkerchief or they may be paraded around the room. 

Food

In the Jewish tradition, a wedding meal is to be prepared either non-offensive (ie. fish only, no meat) or Kosher style, within the laws of the Torah which means no mixing of meat and dairy.

Kosher or kosher style foods would be those with no pork or shellfish. Meat and dairy products cannot be served at the same meal.

The Conclusion of the Celebration

A traditional way to conclude the celebration is by a chanting of blessings which closes the day with spirit, dignity and finality.

A booklet called "benchers" is usually distributed at the end of the main meal to the guests. This booklet has songs and readings. (This booklet may also be a favour with the name of the bride and groom, or included in the wedding program.)

The bridal couple may sit at a special table in the middle of the dance floor with all the guests gathered around them. The initial prayer is read, then the seven marriage blessings are offered by persons you chose (who were not under the marriage chuppah). One person may chant in Hebrew while the English translation is read.

The final act may be the "cup of blessing" in which a full goblet of wine is held up, a second goblet is poured, then wine from both cups is mixed in a third goblet, and the bride and groom drink from this cup. The person leading this closing will call upon the guests for personal blessings. Sometimes this may be done table by table or just spontaneously.

Dancing

It is customary for the guests at a Jewish wedding to have a fantastic time and get up and dance the night away ! 

Resources and References

Special thanks to Lois Pearce, Master Bridal Consultant of Hamden, Connecticut, for her time and energy gathering the majority of information used here. We also wish to thank the Association of Bridal Consultants for their assistance.

Please note that the information contained in this category should be considered general in nature. We believe it to be a true and accurate representation of some of the customs and traditions for this country or religion. Information provided by individuals and organizations is assumed to be correct.

A Short History of Marriage, Edward Westermarck, Humanities Press, 1968

The New Jewish wedding, Anita Diamant, Summit Books, 1985

Weddings, A Complete Guide to All Religious and Interfaith Marriage Services, Abraham J. Klausner Alpha Publishing Company 1986